Dearest Reader,

The other day, a post on LinkedIn lit up my DMs.

Someone wrote:

Cue the collective gasp from the internet’s most earnest “relationship-over-revenue” crowd.

I agreed… sort of.

Because yes — turning every relationship into a transaction feels icky.
But also… we live in capitalism, not a commune. So where’s the line between integrity and incentive?

In the comments, someone else wrote:

Turns out, a lot of people felt shared this sentiment.

So let’s talk about why.

Distance makes it cleaner

Affiliate links are about products — not people.​
You’re recommending a tool, not vouching for someone’s entire reputation.
There’s emotional distance. No one’s asking you to bet your credibility on a SaaS subscription.

High-ticket referrals, on the other hand, feel personal. You’re putting your name on the line, and when money changes hands, it gets messy fast.

Transparency helps

Affiliate links live in public.
They come with cute disclaimers: “This post contains affiliate links, and if you buy, I might earn a small commission.”

Everyone knows the deal — no secrets, no side-eyes.

Referral commissions, though? Often whispered. Hidden.
That’s when it starts to smell like a backroom deal instead of a thank-you.

Scale changes perception

Affiliate programs are built for volume.​
You can love a product and share it with thousands.

Referrals are scarce. They carry more emotional weight.
It’s not just a link — it’s your professional reputation on the table.

When we scale something, it feels less personal… and therefore less morally complicated.

Gender messes with all of it

Here’s the spicy part.

When men make introductions that lead to money, it’s called strategic networking.​
When women do it, it’s transactional.

Generosity is expected of us — but monetizing that generosity? Taboo.
We’re told to “build relationships,” but not to benefit from them.
We can recommend. We can support. But heaven forbid we profit.

So maybe affiliate links just feel safer because they exist outside those gendered expectations.
No one’s judging your morals for dropping a link to your favorite CRM.

There’s an elegant middle ground

We don’t have to choose between being altruistic and being compensated.

There’s a world where acknowledgment, transparency, and integrity coexist.
Where saying “thank you” with more than words doesn’t cheapen the trust — it honors it.

The key is intention.
If you’d recommend them without the kickback, you’re already on solid ethical ground.

​

Maybe the question isn’t should we be paid for referrals?​
Maybe it’s how do we make reciprocity visible without making it transactional?

Affiliate or referral, product or person — it all comes down to whether you’d do it anyway.

And if you would…then being rewarded for it isn’t selling out.
​

So what say you? Do you think about affiliates and referrals differently? How do you handle these situations with your colleagues/partners/advocates?

Until next week, happy selling!

Talica